It would be one thing to have my dad be in liver failure. And to have him leaving next week for “preliminary testing” and possibly staying out of state while he waits for the transplant. It would be stressful, scary and sad. Overwhelming and stressful.
It would be one thing to have Grandma diagnosed with terminal brain cancer. To have to process the fact that she will not be here for the duration of the year. That she will never see me have children. That we will have to help her die, if that’s even possible. To try and support my mom as she supports my grandmother. To try and be there for Grandma. To talk about hospice and radiation. It would be scary. And sad- so, so sad. Heart-wrenchingly sad. It would be overwhelming and stressful.
For so long weight loss took front and center. The fact that I needed to lose weight was the thing that bothered me, the thing I needed to deal with. Then we didn’t get pregnant as quickly as we thought we would. That started to take over. That is significantly more stressful than the weight thing.
Then people started getting sick. Nothing puts stress into perspective more than a very sick or dying close relative.
It would be one thing if they were doing it one at a time. This is going on all at the same time. It is beyond overwhelming. At any given moment, you don’t know who to think about. Who to worry about. Who to be scared about. You don’t know who to imagine your life without, because that is a fact of reality for one and a distinct possibility with the other. Who do you cry about? How do you even process this?
The answer is one day at a time. You don’t spend alot of time processing, because you get through each day as it comes. You take things one situation at a time. You wipe away the tears, again, and move on. You remind yourself that you will get through this. That if you just keep getting up, you will get through all of this. Your life may change forever, but you can get through this. One. Day. At. A. Time.



4 comments
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January 24, 2007 at 10:41 pm
merseydotes
Oh, Paige, I am so sorry for everything you’re going through. I hope your dad’s health improves, and I just hope that your grandma is comfortable and full of energy for as long as possible.
January 24, 2007 at 11:15 pm
Annie
I’m so sorry you are dealing with all of this Paige. Lots of (((hugs))). If I can do anything, you just need to say the word.
January 25, 2007 at 3:07 am
cecily
oh my - that’s huge. I hope it isn’t too offensive or invasive that a stranger from the other side of the world offers support. May you have all the strength you need to face the reality of each day, and to offer love and support to your family.
January 26, 2007 at 3:28 am
themiddlemanager
Paige, stay strong. You have lots of friends(virtual and real) who will be there for you.
You are correct - take it one day at a time.