Not of the Rachel and Ross variety, though.

Khalil and I are on a baby-making break. I had a bit of a Hepatitis B scare. It turns out to be 99.9% that I am not Hepatitis B positive. However, the doctor wants us to wait 6 months before trying to get pregnant again.

This feels like quite a switch in mentality. For well over a year now we have been trying each month. Charting when I’m ovulating, or when I’m due, etc. And trying. And being disappointed. This month is the first cycle in seventeen cycles that we have not been actively trying to get pregnant.

I feel a bit disoriented. I feel like I’ve been running towards a goal and all of a sudden I’ve stopped mid stride. Like the water at this point in the race just tastes so good, I think I’ll stop here and have a break, thankyouverymuch. When all I’ve been focused on has been getting to the end of the race. Not first, mind you. Just getting there.

So we’re on a break. In so many ways this could be very good. We can save, and I can work on getting to a healthy weight and a healthy mindset towards eating. We can figure out where we’re going other than to the end of the babymaking race. It feels sad, and hard, but also the tiniest bit freeing. Running is hard, my feet are tired, and part of me is ready for a break.