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Oh, that again.

July 25, 2009

Mm-hmm. 

I started Weight Watchers again. AGAIN. Like, for the, well let’s not talk about how many times. I REALLY like that Getting Started book, let’s just leave it at that. 

I just wasn’t feeling right. I’m still not. I feel uncomfortable in my body, in my skin. I don’t feel spry, and it’s just… everything is harder. Amazingly, looking in mirrors still sometimes surprises me. It’s like… oh. Hmm. That fat girl. Yeah. 

So, I went back. I have a friend who went back, and I thought we could do it together. Ish. She lives too far to really do it together. But we have text support. 

My first two days I didn’t do the diet. I tracked all my points, just to see. I ate normal days, didn’t go crazy in a “last weekend” kind of way. I ate at least double what I should be eating in those days. Nice little hint to myself about how I got as fat as I did… So sad. 

I lost a pound my first week. Not only was Khalil gone, so I missed him, but I was also in charge of my own lunches and dinners. And I haven’t done too bad. I have to say. 

But when I was sitting in the meeting, pondering my pound, so many thoughts came up. I kept trying to tell myself that slow and steady wins the race. But I couldn’t help but do some math. Like, 1 pound a week for a year puts me 52 pounds lighter. Which is AWESOME. But which is… heavier than I was at my wedding 5 years ago, last time I did WW. It makes me so sad, thinking about all the weight I’ve gained in five years. Over FIFTY pounds. Seriously. That’s just… sad. It makes me think of wasted time, makes me regret how hard it is for me to make good choices. 

This time, hopefully, I’m picking myself up and dusting myself off. Trying to be excited about the small success, and also keep the big picture in mind- a healthier me. A me that is comfortable in her own skin. And maybe a wee bit cuter.

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4 comments

  1. I wish you well. I love you but know what you are saying. And cute, you are at any time and always.


  2. It goes on so much easier than it comes off – doesn’t it! I was doing well for about 8 months – then it was a wedding, then two family picnics, then went away for a week, then it was the 4th of July and then I got on the scale. It’s a life long battle – whether you have 50 pounds to lose or 5 pounds. It goes on easy, comes off hard.


  3. Hang in there! I know it’s not easy AT ALL to change the way you eat. I’ve been dieting for the past few months … I call it my “eat less” diet. Eating tiny portions 6 times a day. It’s taken awhile but I am now tantalizingly close to the 10 pound mark. The biggest thing I’ve noticed is if I cheat, even for one meal, I gain weight back. Then I sit and wonder why I had to have those frys etc. Don’t know if you’d ever consider Nutrisystem … or a program like that … but Will swears by it. Lost 130 pounds through Nutrisystem and it taught him portion size. Anyways, I’ll get off my soapbox now! Hope the WW goes well. And know you are LOVED just as you are!


  4. I just came across your blog, I was looking for the points amount in a bundt cake! LOL
    Anyhow I don’t have any words of wisdom but I wanted to say that I am too doing WW and I am down 13 lbs and feeling great. I am the fat girl but I am done having babies and ready to get a grip!

    If you ever need someone to email or text to please feel free to let me know!

    Good luck kid



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