Category Archive

This weekend was just that- boring. In a quiet, calm, peaceful, blissful way. I do not remember the last time I had a weekend where someone wasn’t sick, dying, there wasn’t a funeral, a wake, or a holiday.

It’s a nice change. There are certainly things I could have done this weekend. Both our desk and closets need reorganizing. The apartment needs to be cleaned. Things need to be put away.

Instead, I spent the weekend relaxing. The most strenuous thing I did was start to study for my LCSW exam. I’ve taken two practice tests so far and failed both of them in a big way. I have lots of studying left.

In the meantime, I’m going to enjoy the rest of my boring, predictable weekend.

Thank you guys for the support.

What I’m finding that generally makes me feel better:

1. Time with my husband.

2. Chocolate

3. Sleep. (I wake up, and it’s a new day. I can start over.)

I’m doing decent with the chocolate- I actually haven’t binged. I am keeping to me .5 cup of slow-churned ice cream each night. But I love that .5 cup. I wait for it. I plan it out. And I savor it. I swear to you, there is a drug in chocolate that makes you feel better. It’s the strangest thing.

I’m not feeling so hot. I have a cold. It’s been a long time since I got a cold, something that used to happen on a regular basis. I am grateful for the exercise, water, and vitamins for keeping me cold-free for this long, however it feels a little like all the colds I haven’t had are wrapped up into this one.

There. That was fun, listening to me bitch, no? I got nothing else, sorry.

Except! I almost forgot. My friend Leah commented on the pictures of my muffins below- she said *harumph!* they look good but not healthy! Wrong you are Leah!

They have 1/4 cup of sugar. I made 12 muffins instead of 6. They are made with whole wheat flour and have ~130 calories per muffin. I *heart* them. They’re banana-raisin muffins, and if anyone wants the recipe, let me know.

When I started my blog, I was all, “this is just for me, this has nothing to do with readership  or comments.” Ha. It still is just for me, and if I only had two readers, my sister and my husband, I’d still write. Cuz I love it.

 But. I’m going to be a lemming. Sometimes more than two people read my blog. Actually I have a few regularish commenters now (hi guys! I love you!) which is very cool.

I’m still going to mention this, though, just for kicks. It’s National DeLurking Week. Feel free to say hi.

Also? So I can be considered even more of a lemming? I’m totally doing a meme that all the cool bloggers are doing. Five things you don’t know about me. Or something like that. This should be fun. Ha.

1. I did gymnastics until I was in high school, then I taught gymnastics. I was thisclose to doing it on a competitive level, but that takes $$$ and my family didn’t have extra of that running around. So I didn’t. I used to wonder where I’d be now if that was different. I loved gymastics and hope my kids do it.

2. While my family didn’t have any money, they still afforded to send me to a private, Christian school from 1-12 grade. My mom would tell you that God provided the money. I really wonder where I’d be if that money had gone towards my blossoming gymnastics career.

3. I’m a Spanish class drop-out. I started Spanish in September and was gung-ho until I realized that I would in fact not learn Spanish by osmosis. That I would actually have to do homework, study vocab, and write things out. I did that half-heartedly and then quit. Go me.

4. I am a TV-addict. I particularly love trashy reality TV. This is a habit that drives my husband bananas.

5. I’ve always wished I had a real hobby or talent. I’ve never thought I did. Now I’m starting photography, and sometimes I feel so cliche about it. But it’s something I really love to do. It’s kind of nice having something other than weight loss to consider a hobby.

There you go!! Hope to hear from you!

Yup. I’ve been a horrible blogger all week. This is what happens when there are things going on, but I don’t want to write about them. I just stop writing altogether. Good coping skill, no?

 Moving on. I lost three point six pounds this week. On the one hand, I’m thrilled. On the other, I feel like it almost doesn’t count because it’s still the weight that I gained over Christmas. Go me.

I’m still making good choices. Still hanging in there. This lame catch-up post sucks, I know. But. But! I’m going tonight to see my niece and nephew, and am bringing my camera. So Friday or Saturday you can count on a picture post. That’s always a good thing to do when avoiding talking about something you really don’t want to deal with just yet.

In 2005, I had big plans for 2006. I was going to love my new job, but get pregnant and have to leave it in 2007. I was going to get pregnant. (I just looked. In January, I was going to “start trying” in 2006.) I was going to lose tons of weight, and exercise religiously- I think I was even going to learn to like it. I was going to complete my hours for my LCSW exam. And blog more often.

Well, two out of six ain’t bad. I do love my new job and I have been better about blogging. Clearly, the pregnancy thing did not work out. I did great on the weight loss and exercise goals, for a grand total of about four months. I’m done with my supervision hours for my LCSW, and still have yet to go on the work hours. I should be done soon, though.

What do I want 2007 to bring? Are we talking bullshit goals or real goals? For bullshit goals I’d like to:

Be a better wife, and friend. Learn to accept my fate, whether it includes the real goals or not. Learn to love myself better. Grow as a social worker. Grow as a person.

But for real goals:

1. Really- be serious about losing weight. Get off my fat ass and do it, and not give up this time when the going gets rough.

2. Get my LCSW (that includes finishing the hours, the application, and passing a very big exam.)

3. Get pregnant. Stay pregnant. Have baby.

4. Take more pictures. Learn how to use my fancy pants new camera. Be a better photographer.

I think four goals is good. Less to really stick to, you know. And three of them are in my control. Which makes for better odds.

This year has been, overall, a good one. It has had it’s ups and downs. When I think of the downs of the year, losing a friend is the number one thing that pops into my head. My mom moving to Kentucky is - while not a heartbreaker, not one of my favorite events of the year. I faced the harsh reality that my weight affects not just my day to day living and my emotional healthy, but also my long-term health. That turned into being a good thing. I started to face the reality that my father is ill. I also started to deal with the fact that me getting pregnant was not going to happen like it did for the rest of the women in my family- I would not simply think about it and be pregnant.

I had my ups though. I started to like exercise. I started eating the right way, and started losing weight. I got to see my niece and nephew alot, and learned more about how much I love my sister. Khalil and I had an amazing year together. We get stronger and stronger.

Overall, 2006 was a good year. I hope 2007 tops it, though.

My first big act of 2007? Is to start a new blog. It’s really just for pictures. I’m not going to like here from there, because I think I will share that blog with my family. But the main point of it is to have a place to showcase my pictures. Now that I have the new camera, I’m going to try and take pictures more often. Like, daily. And I want a place to share them! There’s not much there now, but my next item for today is to put stuff there. So it will be up soon. Go on and visit!

Happy New Year!!

Here’s to 2007!

We’re not drunk at all…

who are these people?

Here you go, Shannon.

What do you think??

Have a wonderful New Year!! See you tomorrow! (later today). I promise.

I haven’t disappeared.

If you look closely, you can find me. I’m under the pile of working 9-10 hour days, seeing a sick Grandma, Christmas presents, wrapping, and decorations. I’m a little to the left of a clean apartment and time with my husband, but a little behind Christmas cards. There’s a smattering of junk food wrappers all around me, they’re disguising me as well. I’m also under a couple of new pounds. It’s hard to recognize me because I am sleeping and if not sleeping, in a coma of feeling overwhelmed.

So there I am. I will emerge unscathed I imagine, and at that point write a few real posts, answer all my e-mails, and respond in kind to a post-exchange.

See you on the other side! I hope!

Last week exercising sucked. This week? My two workouts have been awesome, and today? I found myself daydreaming about which video I was going to do, if I like it, if it was going to be fun… I was looking forward to exercising.

Feel free to sit down. I need to. I know- I hate exercise. But… not so much. I love the way it makes me feel. I think I needed the break, though. It was almost like I was burning out, and now I’m looking forward to it again. Go me.

*****

I know I’m PMSing when everything makes me cry. Commercials, TV shows. Bloggers closing their blogs down, writing about cats dying, and about their grandpas with Alzheimers. Other ridiculous stuff too, but that’s only been the last thirty minutes. I hate this part.

*****

My friend? Who I’m very close to? Is in the middle of losing her friend. Been there, done that. Her friend is being vicious and cruel, and it makes me so sad. And makes me feel so protective. It’s so painful to me- I don’t have many, so I realize how precious friends and friendship are. We treat it so callously, as though it’s not a rare and valuable gift. I understand, I really do, that sometimes it’s time for friendships to end. But if they do need to end, I wish they could end in a way that somehow respects the time spent as friends. I think that it’s often too painful to do this, but it would be… nice.

*****

I signed up today for Short-term disability through work. (STD in online baby-making communities, which cracks me up to no end.) If I was not PMSing I would think this would guarantee a pregnancy this month, as that seems to be the way my luck rolls. Sign up for STD? Can’t use it for a pregnancy for ~11 months? If you got pregnant this month, you’d have the baby right when Khalil starts teaching and his Masters? What more perfect timing could there be??

*****

I’m sorry it’s random and a bit of a downer. This perfectly expresses how I feel. I wish I could write like her, one of my favorite bloggers, whose format I copied. But she ties everything together at the end, and I can’t do that.

I’m twenty-seven today, yo.

I have actually alot of feelings about my birthday. I have always loved my birthday. I don’t know- some people hate it, some people are indifferent. I LOVE it. I love the day. I love people calling and singing me Happy Birthday, I love Khalil whispering it in my ear first thing in the morning. I love the cute messages and text messages I get. Love the e-mail cards. Love the presents. I just… I love it. This year feels a little different, though.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m still loving my day. I’m having a very good day, thank goodness. But leading up to my birthday I was leaning more toward the indifferent side on my birthday. It felt- less exciting, less thrilling. Maybe after you have twenty-seven of them the excitement starts to wear off a bit? (Ok, probably for most people it starts to wear off at about twelve of them. But if we haven’t learned that I am not most people, what have we learned?)

I also feel old. I feel… last year I felt like I was on the other side of twenty-five. That meant I was closer to thirty than I was to twenty. And Lordy, did that feel… older. Now I’m practically closer to thirty than I am to twenty-five (almost) and that just feels scary. I don’t feel quite grown-up enough to be thirty. So I guess it’s good I’m not quite thirty, huh?

I also feel a little sentimental today. Last year I had a very close friend that I lost this year. Today I am feeling a little sad about losing her. We also went out as couples for our birthdays. I loved it. It was just… something we always did. I missed her birthday dinner this year, and thought of it. But I’m missing her presence on my birthday. Last year her daughter, four at the time, left me the cutest voicemail on my birthday. “Hi Auntie Paige. (she’s not answering mommy! It’s a voicemail, Jewel!) Auntie Paige? Happy Birthday Auntie Paige. (She’s still not there mommy! Just leave the message Jewel!) I love you Auntie Paige. (Mommy! She’s not answering! Why won’t she talk to me?!).” Click. It was precious. Don’t get me wrong- this morning my niece and nephew called and sang me happy birthday. It was beautiful music and brought tears to my eyes. I talked to both of them and got Happy Birthdays from them. I just have been thinking about my friend and her family and missing them today.

Bittersweet, I suppose. I still love my birthday. I love the day to celebrate me, as selfish as that sounds. But I am also thinking about the things I am losing and have lost. I will focus on the positives and the many blessings I have. But as I get older, birthdays stay bittersweet, I think.

And let’s all thank the baby Jesus for that.

No more posts that begin with Day ____. No more posts that are just there because I have to post.

On one hand, I’ve liked NaBloPoMo. I liked posting every day. I just… I’m not all that great at it. After a while, I have not a whole lot to say. Here.

I’m not sure how to end. Do I want to talk about all I got out of NaBloPoMo? New blogs to read. Increased discipline (hhhhhhhaaaaaaa). The chance to write some really dumb posts. But I liked it. Liked connecting to the blogging world every day.

Or do I update you on my mood? Still fairly blah. Up and down somewhat, I guess, but the undertone is: ick.

Do I talk about how much I want some Lime Tostitos?? ALOT, that’s how much.

Or how about I talk about weight? I’m completely non-motivated, but hating it. I’m planning to take the weekend ‘off’ and then start exercising again on Monday. And also I’m going to get the eating at least somewhat under control. I am scared to death of gaining any of the weight back. That will be the straw that sends me spiraling. So I don’t want to do it.

Oh, I remember the other thing I was going to post about. Yes. How some days, I feel like God is up in the sky laughing. at me. Like how the weekend I get my period and want to cry, both waitresses we get are very pregnant. Or how in the past three weeks some ridiculous amount of women in my life have announced they’re pregnant (if you did, and you’re reading this, I’m very excited and happy for you! I promise! But also feeling sorry for myself and my friends who are struggling.) There are times I think God just thinks it’s all one big funny joke. Hysterical. No, really.

I’m thankful for TiVo. Not only does it allow me to pause, rewind, and fast forward through commercials, but it saves me. When I miss a show, and it plays later, TiVo automatically plans to record it. This saves me the trouble of having to search for when shows are on. Did I mention pause? And rewind? And no commercials? And season passes?

I’m also thankful for Edy’s Slow Churned Ice cream. When I’m doing well with eating, I eat 1/2 cup of ice cream. Every night. Every. Night. When I’m doing well (obviously I’m not now) that 1/2 cup of slow churned ice cream saves me.

I’d like to thank also fuzzy blankets and fuzzy slippers. These get me through the winter. We keep our heat lowish, in order to try and save on bills, and I spend lots of the winter wrapped in fuzzy blankets and slippers.

I’m thankful for US Weekly. Without it I wouldn’t be able to keep up on celebrity gossip. Which is one of my favorite pasttimes. How else would I know what happened at Tom and Katie’s wedding?

I cannot leave out the Internet! Not even just for blog reading, chat boards where I’ve made friends, and more celebrity gossip, but for internet shopping! I got half my Christmas shopping done yesterday. From the comfort of my pajamas. It was a wonderful thing.

Also? I just got a Senseo. Khalil’s uncle had it and didn’t like it, so he gave it to us. And it’s blue to boot! It makes delicious cappucino and decent coffee. And I love it.

I’m thankful November is almost over. This is a notoriously bad time of year for us anyways, but this year was particurly hard. Not to mention the whole daily posting thing, which I am glad is almost over. Hopefully in the future non-daily posting will save you from posts like this.

This weekend I have been relaxing. Chillin’. I sat on my couch so much that my neck started to hurt. I didn’t leave the apartment a whole lot. I didn’t exercise. I ate whatever I wanted. I went to bed early and got up late. I watched a zillion movies and alot of TV. I started a puzzle. Cuddled with my husband and my kitten.

It was a great weekend. Don’t get me wrong.

But tomorrow? Reality strikes. I’m dreading it.

Tomorrow I have to get up and exercise. I have to measure out my breakfast and lunch. I have to eat what I have measured and not more. I have to eat what I bring for lunch. I need to think about it.

I think that’s been the best part of the weekend. I didn’t have to think about a whole lot. I just ate whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. I honestly didn’t go crazy with the food, by some miracle. But I didn’t eat well, either. Not by the ‘xchange standards, anyways. I ate alot of carbs and alot of sugar.

I’ll miss being home. I’ll miss Rory and seeing my husband all day. I’ll miss the relaxing part of the weekend. I needed it and I’m not ready to go back. I don’t have a choice, but I’m going back to my real life under protest. Wish me luck.

In the last two days, almost nothing has happened. I’ve spent alot of time relaxing, which has been woooonderful. But does not produce alot of blog material.

So. Here are some pictures.

Khalil fell asleep.

When he moved to the bedroom, so did Rory.

See all those papers there in the back? I certainly didn’t pull them out.

Thanksgiving Table

Where Khalil spent most of the day.

Rory begging for leftover turkey. She really IS a puppy. Also, see the seventies counter actually extends onto the wall. It doesn’t get more retro than that, folks.

Just went to a big buffet. Lobster, shrimp, crab legs…

 am too full to write.

too tired to write.

see you tomorrow.

It’s hard to come up with something to write about on Saturday. I’m not looking forward to tomorrow, either.

The thing is, nothing happens on Saturdays. Well, this Saturday, anyway. Let’s see. I went and got my eyebrows done, and paid a small fortune for the luxury of liking who does my eyebrows. Then Grandma and I went to lunch at Panera, went grocery shopping, and I went home and activated her phone for her.

I am contemplating a nap.

Our apartment is COLD. We just turned the heat up to 64 degrees. Still cold. The other day, after Khalil yelled at Rory for the 100th time for going behind the TV, scratching her paws on the speakers, and jumping up on top, he wondered, “Is she cold?” Huh. Novel thought. We are, so it makes some sense that even with the fur, so is she. Poor kitten. I offered to cuddle with her to warm her up and surprise, surprise she declined.

I promise. Tomorrow I’ll work on something interesting.