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It just feels weird to go to bed without having blogged. I know I should feel relieved, but it feels weird. So here I am blogging.
I didn’t win prizes, in either NaBloPoMo or in Hannah’s contest for a printer. But that’s ok. I got to post some pictures and I got the best prize of now being in the habit of daily blogging. I hope that doesn’t mean my blog tanks, from the mundaneness of it all (what IS that word? Mundaneness? Mundanity?).
I spent all afternoon and evening baking. It was one of those days. Harry Potter on the TV, Khalil at the table doing his own version of arts and crafts with wood, me in the kitchen making messes and sweets, Rory going between us both and to sleep, curled up in a perfect circle in the middle of our couch.
A perfect afternoon.
Years, that is.
We’ve been married for three years. That equals over 1,000 days.
I asked him yesterday if he felt like it was longer or shorter than three years. We agreed- it feels like three years has flown by, but also like we’ve been together forever.
This last year, in particular the last six months, has been hands down the hardest time in my life. It’s just been… hard. Sometimes that translates into hard for our marriage. But never in my life have I been more convinced that I married the right man. The one with the quiet strength when I’ve run all out of any kind of strength. The one who can take one look at me and know something is wrong, before I’ve even figured that out myself. The one who knows when not to push and when I so desperately need him to push. This man, he gets me. He knows me inside and out, and I love that.
I feel safe. With him. It has only been three- but feels like forever. I’m so lucky that I get to spend my life with him. With him by my side I feel like I can handle each day. I love him so much it hurts.
Happy Anniversary, hon. I love you.
Love is… comfortable silence
There are two songs that fit one aspect of Khalil and I. It’s the ability to not need to fill up space with words if we don’t want to. To hear each other without speaking.
The first:
It’s amazing how you can speak right to my heart
Without saying a word, you can light up the dark
Try as I may, I could never explain
What I hear when you don’t say a thing
The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There’s a truth in your eyes saying you’ll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you’ll catch me if ever I fall
You say it best when you say nothing at all
All day long I can hear people talking out loud
But when you hold me near, you drown out the crowd
Old Mr. Webster could never define
What’s being said between your heart and mine
The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There’s a truth in your eyes saying you’ll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you’ll catch me if ever I fall
You say it best when you say nothing at all
The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There’s a truth in your eyes saying you’ll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you’ll catch me if ever I fall
You say it best when you say nothing at all
~Allison Krauss, When You Say Nothing At All
The second, in the same vein
When the calls and conversations
Accidents and accusations
Messages and misperceptions
Paralyze my mind
Busses, cars, and airplanes leaving
Burning fumes of gasoline
And everyone is running
And I come to find a refuge in the
Easy silence that you make for me
It’s okay when there’s nothing more to say to me
And the peaceful quiet you create for me
And the way you keep the world at bay for me
The way you keep the world at bay
Monkeys on the barricades
Are warning us to back away
They form commissions trying to find
The next one they can crucify
And anger plays on every station
Answers only make more questions
I need something to believe in
Breathe in sanctuary in the
Easy silence that you make for me
It’s okay when there’s nothing more to say to me
And the peaceful quiet you create for me
And the way you keep the world at bay for me
The way you keep the world at bay
Children lose their youth too soon
Watching war made us immune
And I’ve got all the world to lose
But I just want to hold on to the
Easy silence that you make for me
It’s okay when there’s nothing more to say to me
And the peaceful quiet you create for me
And the way you keep the world at bay for me
The easy silence that you make for me
It’s okay when there’s nothing more to say to me
And the peaceful quiet you create for me
And the way you keep the world at bay for me
The way you keep the world at bay for me
The way you keep the world at bay
~Dixie Chicks, Easy Silence
Out of the Mouths Of Babes
It’s no secret I love my niece and nephew.
Ellie and “Aunt Paige”
Caleb and Aunt Paige
Ever since Caleb was… ever since I knew he was there, i.e. my sister told me she was pregnant, I have been in love with him. He is my first niece/nephew and is precious to me, in so many ways. Caleb has a sense about him and sometimes he’ll just come up to you and hug you with a “my friend”. Sometimes, if you’re holding his hand, he’ll just… kiss your hand. “I love you Aunt Paige”. I remember when he was a baby. I was living in California and had come back from a rough semester. I held him in my arms- just held him, and knew it would be ok. I’d be ok. He gives hugs freely, and he gives bear hugs. He’s always loved me, but since Uncle Khalil came around… well… he LOVES Uncle Khalil. When they come to stay, Caleb looks for Uncle Khalil.
Ellie was one of the main reasons I moved home. Shannon had her, Caleb was getting old enough to know whether or not I was around, and I decided I was not going to be Aunt Paige who no one really knows. It was crucially important to me to be a big part of their lives. I’ve never regretted that decision. Ellie has a sweet spirit and takes after her mother and aunt in that she can talk about anything, to anyone, for any length of time. She’s sensitive almost to a fault, and brings drama like ONLY a four-year old can. She also has a way of saying things that is hysterical, as you will see in a moment.
Who can resist those dimples? Who?
So Ellie drew a picture yesterday. My sister had to call me to tell me the story. I imagine this is something like what her picture looked like (this is my rendition.)
(I know. You can’t get over my Mad Paint Skillz).
Ellie’s explanation of the picture went like this, “This is Aunt Paige. These are her freckles. This is her bellybutton, and this is the baby in her belly.”
It was so cute, and made me want to cry. There isn’t yet a baby in my belly (I wish) but I’d like to think that Ellie has some four year old intuition and there will be soon? She has been asking Shannon when there will be a baby in my belly for quite some time.
Love Is… your niece and nephew. And the amazing gifts they bring to your life.
Brought to you, as always, by Love Thursday
After what may be the most pathetic post ever, I decided to celebrate the friends I have.
They are my gold. I’m certainly obtaining silver, but these girls. They have been with me through thick and thin. They have listened to me whine incessantly about my past. They have been with me through several boys, and stuck with Khalil and I through our ups and downs. They celebrated with me when we got married. They always have time to listen. They know me. They love me despite my many faults, which they know. We have had fights and arguments, called each other out on things, and yet they are the ones that stick by me. They are all my friends for different reasons. We connected on different levels, in different ways.
But we will always be connected.
These are my girls from California. Jenn, Naomi (me) and Jessica.
Amy. (and I).
I love my friends. I miss them.
Love Thursday brought to you by chookooloonks
Love Is…
Grandmas.
Holding hands.
These are my grandmas. They live many states away from each other, and their children (my parents) have been divorced for 10 years. They are still friends and on the rare occasion that they see each other, they held hands.
Brought to you by Love Thursday
